It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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