She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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