he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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