I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
