I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
