You're completely useless in the revolution.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
