Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
