Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
