she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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