he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
