I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
