so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
