you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
