My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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