I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
