3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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