Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
