So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
