In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
