you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
