today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
