I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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