Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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