Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
