we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
