i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
