I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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