The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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