We're facebook friends in real life
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
