Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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