didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
