In the future we'll all be gay
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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