she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
