i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
