you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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