Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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