Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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