just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
