you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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