I'm going to jail i love you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
