I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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