those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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