Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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