ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
