If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
