We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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