I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
