Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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