You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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