Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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