omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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