i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't think brook has ever known best
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
