You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
