omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
