Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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