maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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