i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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