I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
