i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
