i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
