You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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