god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
