That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
