This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
