we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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