2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
